Peeling the bark off a couple of ash logs. These came from a tree that came down right down the street from the shop. I could have done this a few days ago, when I found them, and the wood was fresh, and the bark would have peeled off like corn husks. But no. That would have been the easy* way out, and that’s just not me. No, the right** way to go about de-barking a log is to wait a couple of days, until the bark hardens up into a mortar-like substance. This will ensure that the bark comes off like industrial carpet epoxied to a concrete floor, and as a bonus, will dull your tools into oblivion. Next, be sure your neighbor has already thrown your logs into the dumpster in the parking lot, which also doubles as the neighborhood I-just-walked-my-dog, I’ll-just-put-this-plastic-bag-in-here depository. If you time it just right, both the neighbor that threw away the logs *and* the neighbor with the pack of German Shepherds will be there to heckle you. Finally -and this is important- whatever you do, don’t try this in the morning, when there is still plenty of shade, and the air is breezy. No. What you want to do is wait until high noon, when it is 102° outside, and it is seizure-inducingly bright, and you can literally see mirages forming at the other end of the parking lot, and all the shade (and with it, hope) has gone from the world. Yes, that is how the professionals*** do it.
*Easy, as in “smart.”
**Right, as in “wrong.”
***Professional, as in I should be fired from this job.